Chinese Movie Theater Experience – Part Two

Well it looks like I didn’t learn. After my abysmal experience with the Chinese movie theater before, I decided to give the movie theater experience in China another chance. What made me do this? Well, the fact that The Avengers: Age of Ultron looked so badass was the main driving factor. Seriously- I love these Marvel movies and will relentlessly throw my money at them as long as they get released. Another driving factor was the thought that the time I saw Cinderella could have been a fluke. Maybe princess-laden Disney movies tended to attract rude/obnoxious moviegoers in China. Maybe I was being too harsh and just had a bad experience with the movie theater. In any case, I gave China the benefit of the doubt and tried to go to a movie theater again- turned out it was a bad idea.

This time I chose to go to the movie solo- “masturdate” if you will. I didn’t put too much thought into it this time. I picked the movie theater close to my apartment (in the pristine Raffles Mall in People’s Square) and bought an IMAX 3D ticket a day before hand. I bought a later show at 8:40PM on a Monday to hopefully deter some of the rift raft. Turns out it did not make too much of a difference.

The theater layout was a bit counter intuitive. Despite the box office being located on the first floor, the actual movie theaters were scattered between the second and sixth floor. Luckily, having an IMAX 3D ticket, my theater was easy to find on the second floor.  I got there a bit early and lounged around in the concession area for about fifteen minutes. Other people had got to the movie early too. From the looks of the crowd, it was mainly younger couples on a date with a few otaku/nerdy looking comic book enthusiasts scattered in the mix. There were only two other foreigners in the mix (a couple of guys that vaguely had the Australian surfer) look going for them.

After we entered the theater I took my seat on row number five right in the middle of the theater. I was actually a bit close to the screen- but nothing unmanageable. There were only a couple of people in all of the rows ahead of me so I thought this would “mask” any talking or cell phone usage- but boy was I wrong. Before the previews, everyone was talking. When the previews started, everyone was talking. When the movie started, everyone was talking. Talking Talking Talking. Not whispering (which is bad enough), but talking in a normal speaking voice. Add people regularly checking their phones and texting through the mix and you got a perfect recipe for a shitty movie experience. For a quasi-accurate visualization of what the movie theater experience was like, refer to the dome in this Oatmeal comic.

Again, the actual movie theater was an awesome movie theater. The screen was big, the sound system was booming, and there was everything needed to provide a great movie theater experience- the audience was just bad. The movie was awesome too. It had great special effects and further enhanced the infinity stone story arc that Marvel has been building with all of their films.

Talking with colleagues/friends, they don’t seem to share my frustrations with this experience. All I can deduce is that if you don’t know what the problem is- you are the problem. If you open your mouth during the movie for reasons other than eating/breathing/drinking/(reasonably)laughing, you shouldn’t be in the movie theater. Stay at home! Halfway through the movie I fantasized about taking the guy’s cellphone beside me and bashing his skull in with it. I thought, “Yeah, I’d end up in some Chinese black site medical prison for the rest of my life, but it would be pretty satisfying.” Alas, the sanity inside me convinced me that it wasn’t worth it. In any case, the whole experience reminded me of the classic Mastodon song from the Aqua Team Hunger Force movie:

It has to be something in the culture of mainland China. I’ve seen movies in Japan, USA, and Taiwan and never had this sort of experience. Maybe in a couple of generations when the education level of China catches up to that of the first world the movie theater experience will be enjoyable, but I doubt I will ever go back to a movie theater in mainland China.

Venue: Peace Cinema Shanghai (IMAX)
English Friendliness: No Chinese Ability Required
Cost: 180RMB per ticket for IMAX 3D
Recommended? Not if you like movies

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